Children as pets
March 18, 2008
Creepy fetishes and overweight, lazy slobs aside, who ever decided that putting your child on a leash was acceptable? I’d prefer a French Bulldog as a pet but that’s probably because I’m weird—in comparison to these caring parents that is. Some suggestions for improvement:
1. Save yourself from having to carry heavy items by putting a bag on the leash; kids should earn their board and lodging.
2. For the crying types or those that eat anything in sight a muzzle is an effective means by which you can keep a child’s mouth shut tightly.
3. Save on water bills by reducing the number of times your child bathes weekly and buy them a flea and tick collar instead.
Entry Filed under: Lifestyle. Tags: animal, child, dog, kid, parent, pet.
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1.
murphy | March 23, 2008 at 6:40 am
And how many children do you have?…………………….
2.
shlog | March 23, 2008 at 7:21 am
None, but that doesn’t make it any less weird.
3.
Jeff | March 24, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Good stuff. The leashes are for the “explorer” types. They are the kind that have no fear, and will play chicken with a mac truck, or BASE jump if you turn your back for long enough. It is weird, I agree. I laughed my butt off the first time I saw one.
4.
Tamar | July 3, 2008 at 9:09 am
Before I had a child of my own, I thought it was dreadful. And then, as Jeff says, you get to the stage where you want to stop the little runner from running into a truck, or something like that. This is obviously not for every parent and not for those who have totally docile children, but is quite required when you have a toddler who runs faster than you can blink (usually to the wrong places).
5.
madscientist | July 3, 2008 at 8:20 pm
quite true, most children didnt make it to adulthood until such a device was invented.(well except for 6 billion or so) it amazes me that our society has evolved into something that is now less capable of rearing its offspring. if you cant control an animal that is 3 foot tall, slow, akward, and less intelligent than you, then you probably shouldnt reproduce.
6.
shlog | July 4, 2008 at 11:10 am
I wish that I had thought of putting it that way!
7.
Manti | November 8, 2008 at 7:32 am
pure genius… laughed out loud
8.
GM | January 10, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Strange, but my mother was put on a leash of sorts when she was a child (around age 3). Her mother would work in the kitchen and keep an eye on her in the yard. My mother is now 65 years old so we can’t say that the leash idea is a new one nor is it an indication that we suddenly can’t rear our children. Also, if you think children are slow, you clearly haven’t hung out long enough with any : )
Either way, funny post!